It's late. You can't sleep. Maybe it's the big meeting tomorrow. Maybe it's your back acting up. Maybe it's your sub-prime no-doc adjustable-rate mortgage.

Or maybe it's your precious newborn, screaming bloody murder in her bassinet three feet away. That screeching, manipulative wail is your baby's instinctual way of telling you she missed her nap because you wanted to be sheriff of ESPNZone on Foursquare. And now you will pay dearly.

That's why we've compiled a handy list of eight herbal home remedies that will take the edge off any new dad's evening. Just curl up in bed with one of these soothing natural recipes, and you'll quickly drift off to peaceful slumber.

8. Berry Sleepy
   5 juniper berries
   ½ cup lemon balm
   1 cup Tanqueray Dry
   


7. Slumber Spice
   1 cinnamon stick
   1 teaspoon valerian root
   12 ounces Jagermeister
   


6. Quietus
   1 teaspoon peppermint
   1 teaspoon ginger root
   2 Pabst Blue Ribbons
   


5. Honeygold Zinger
   1 teaspoon honey
   2 teaspoons St. Johns wort
   14 teaspoons Goldschlager


4. Siesta Para Ti
   1 teaspoon fennel seeds
   1 Taco Bell Gordita
   4 ounces Don Julio Tequila
   


3. Minty Valley of Death
   1 teaspoon passionflower
   1 pint FreshBurst Listerine
   


2. 40 Winks
   1 teaspoon rose hips
   3 teaspoons pinot noir
   6 ounces Nyquil
   


1. Eternal Rest
   1 ounce kava root
   1 Xanax
   40 ounces Mickey's malt liquor